Mixed Up?

As I promise to be back again, here is the story of me, the current me, the feelings that cannot be express by action but by words. Hi there, this may be for the future me to read, so let's get it started.

Yes, you are still in love with her, the person you tried to deny and hate when you were still a freshmen. This post will be a story about you and I, piece by piece, little by little of memories I picked up and to not forget ever again. This may sound like a fairy tale I made up but it is the truth, this the feelings you've been kept for years and trying to express it like a story book.

You have to admit, you hated her, you despise her because of how she treated you, but in the end.. you gave a strange smile at the end of the day, how strange of me. Those were the days we had to cherish on and move on to our Secondary School lifes. I may be repeating as what my previous post mentioned but this is by detail and much longer to read.

You began the mark of your journey to start a new, you did and it was a success. To be frank, you were just following the flood, not wanting to be a child anymore, you mature by a little but the thought for romance were a die out. Let me skip it to where the love really begins, frankly speaking.. you only like her during the night of Hari Raya, cause she was a fun person, easy to talk and.. she changed for the most of people you talked to. It was strange, yes.. cause you're seeing someone who's different than you've imagined.

You got together with her, it was like a bliss but not bestow with a last longing mutual love. You were enraged, filled with sadness, wanting to grab what was left out your hand. You throw a tantrum on her, and all she can do was hold it in, to apologize, and it was me.. you.. like a child, repeating the same question not accepting reality. That's just you, the boy who lacks of maturity.

The year starts, I've became a senior in the school, to be look upon, you swore to yourself to be more visualize on things you do and be mature. Those were the days you feel like "I'm so gonna get a good start right now". Tch, what a lie I've made that day, it's like a calamity.. I met her again, with hatred.. just like how used to, there goes me trying to be a new person. Guess it's just me getting karma for what I've done to her. Yes, you were still contacting each other but a title of 'Friend' and yet.. even I hate her, I can't hate her.. yes it's complicating to understand, that's what you felt.. it's a mystery.

I'm highlighting this for you, never ever forget what you've done to her you asshole. At the month of August, things gone better between us yet I treat her like she is just someone who wasted my precious time. On the eighth, you remembered.. but you tend to forget her birthday, you wanted to but you were of the consequences of getting a heart break again. On the twenty-one, it's before your birthday, I remembered you took your time to hang out with your friends, watching anime, futsal, guitars and etc. She gave you a present, a wallet.. which is meant for a phone but yes, you use as a wallet. You took it.. you threw it aside and without looking at her, you said thanks and done. You're the worst, a kid, an asshole, you should have die when it's possible. That day will be your scar, a memory that will never fade.

Months after, you receive lesser messages from her and you gave up on her and moved on. You said it was for the best, but you cried everyday knowingly you did the worst.

Graduated, searching for a college.. you work on a part time job, suddenly you started to message her again even you felt so afraid to press a single send button to her. She replied, you were relieved and was so happy that you forgot you did the worst thing ever to her. Yes, you were still using the wallet she gave you as your birthday present, torn and bulky. I set aside of what happened between me and her of the past and start chatting about our future plans. Months later, we still in contact.. on month of August again, you asked her.. "Do you still like me?", she acknowledge with a simple yes, you felt the happiness you had was there again. But sadly it was just a simple yes of being a friend.

Come to think of it, you want to know when you fell in love with her? Heh, it was the day you met her after two years of not seeing her. You weren't dazzle by her appearance, it was the smile she gave you. Yes, even I'm feeling it now, you felt like it's love but it is more greater than you ever felt. You swore yourself, as long you can see that smile of hers, you can be happy anytime.

So right now, if you're reading this, either it's the future me or you.. please, I've fallen in love with you, and it's deep. I love you, A.